Friday, August 12, 2005

Alone all along.

I feel bad today. Maybe leaving work early to go see the Willy Wonka movie with Keith will help? We got an email from our adoption coordinator today that was bipolar at best. The good news is that she is setting up our call with the travel coordinator, who tells us everything about the trip, including our timeline. I don't think she can nail down dates for us, but all of this means we are getting close and closer to the trip of a lifetime. But her email also stated that Eva's uncle was visiting her, and they believe he wants to take her.

I'm not ignorant of the birth family's right to Eva. But I feel like I should grieve. I feel like we're going to suffer an insurmountable loss. I feel like telling our coordinator to take her money and choke on it, because if she can't give us our girl, what good is she to me? I feel like crying in my oatmeal and giving up and saying forget the whole thing, let's call the whole thing off, farking adoption which refuses to turn out right. How do I tell Owen that Eva is not, after all, coming home to be his sister, and will not be playing kitchen with him?

I am not an eyes-wide-closed type of girl. I do my homework. I know my stuff.

This was not in the stuff.

Coordinator was not 100% certain that the uncle was going to take her. She just said she didn't know right now. And that is enough to make me crazy uneasy.

AK is sick, eyes and nose pouring, very unhappy little one. He laid down on the kitchen floor yesterday afternoon for a great length of time, just resting. I finally gave in and put him to bed early, the place he usually never wants to be. And he slept and slept. Yesterday was Day 2 of sickness unnamed. Just wanting it to pass (re: all of the above).


liz said...

Hugs to you - I hope it works out for you, I know you've poured out your heart into this process and that little girl, in particular.

JustLinda said...

You don't know me from adam, but I sure hope you get your little girl...